Me.

yesterday i bought a hat. it is an owl. the day before that i saw a girl fall out of a truck and almost get run over. her mom's scream still echos in my head. i love having short hair. once as i was walking into the restroom in high school a lady said "this is the girls." i started growing my hair out the next day and didn't cut it short for three years. now it is short people think i'm a lesbian. too bad for them i like boys. my first kiss was so awkward i thought i was bad at kissing. his first child was born yesterday with the girl he used me to cheat on. i hate him. seven students died during my high school years. i always wondered if i would be next. realizing you're not invincible is harsh. my greatest fear is losing contact with my best friends. sometimes this makes me feel overbearing. when i was born the doctor wasn't  even there. everyone thinks i'm really smart. i always felt like it was an act. i'm what people want and i don't like that. i lost thirty pounds but still feel fat. i'm deathly afraid of the unknown. most of the time knowing is worse though. i speak to my heart. some days it's all i have. i want someone to want me. want me for all of me.

Being The Bigger Person

Being the Bigger Person means:

Saying, "It's ok" a lot
"I don't mind" is typical
"Don't worry about it" leads to
"I'll be fine"

When you need time
You give it up
When you need love
Someone else gets it

"We did" isn't We
It's They and You
We would include me

Best Friend turns to
Second priority
Feelings are set aside
For a smile

Smiles and words hide
Pain and rejection
Sarcasm is missed
A shell is all that remains

Being the bigger person means
Watching and listening
When someone is happy without you;
Sacrificing for no gain.

No one will ever know

Worlds Apart

After I died, I didn't think I was of any use
I roamed around watching people live their lives
Wishing I could help and be a part of them
I knew it hadn't been my time
I felt useless and wasted
As if God had made a mistake, realized it, and removed it
Like in a football game
The slow boy who can't catch but won the sympathy of the coaches
Being part of a team but watching form the side
I spent my time walking, watching people, looking for familiar faces
People showed happiness, but truely were sad
Everyone ran faster than they should
Not looking at the people by them or the ground beneath
Stretching their time too thin
Not enjoying free moments
I caught up to you after a while
I loved to see you smile, and hear your laugh
Life was good for you. It was fun to follow you
You were happy, I could see it
But then you fell
I ran to your side
Crying you screamed, "Why?!"
I yelled wanting to know what was wrong
You couldn't hear me
I sat numb trying to find a way to let you know I was there
I didn't dare touch you
I sat calling to you, longing to comfort you
Yearning to let you know I cared
You didn't know though
Then you said it,
You screamed my name
"Why?! Why Did you have to leave?!"
I sat there stunned
Staring at you
You kept asking questions
Asking if I could see you
I couldn't take it any longer
You were sitting next to me and didn't even know it
I wrapped my arms around you like I had so many times
And just let you cry
You let out a shudder
"Are you there?"
Crying, I said, "Yes, Always."
I then understood my purpose was just beginning
As we sat together, worlds apart, yet closer than ever

Poetry Project

I wrote these poems for a poetry project. I took my iTunes and shuffled through picking the first lines of the songs I heard. They're in the left column, then I put my own words for the right. I loved the way it came out and then the way I formatted it. Unfortunately, it wouldn't format the same way, so I screen-shot it. Click to enlarge :) The second poem involves song's first lines as well, see how many you know.

Serenity

Cars pass

hurdling towards their destination.

Some go slowly

soaking in the scenes.

We choose our own pace

enjoying the simplicity of time.